Semi-Mindless Prattle
Social Structure
My girlfriend works with highschool students and had a conversation with one of her kids the other day about the social structure of today’s high schools which cracked me up. When I was a kid, there were the obvious cliques that seem to exist:
- Popular
- Jocks
- Skaters
- Punk Rock/Goth
- The Heads, both Gear and Pot (at my school these groups were assigned the odd name of Hessians*)
- Geeks
- Losers
What I found hilarious was the addition of a couple of categories to this list:
- Short Guys Who Are Social Awkward, But Funny
- Kids With Peanut Allergies
Ah, yes, the short guys who are socially awkward, but funny. What about the short chubby guys who were actually very social and funny but were still ignored by all the girls? No bitterness here, nope, nope. But you gotta feel sorry for those poor bottom of the rung kids, the peanut allergy kids not only have to deal with constant terror in a world of PB & J sandwiches, but they are ostracized by the rest of the student body. And apparently these kids are given a special lunch table with a sign on it designating the table “Peanut Free Zone.” Man, can you imagine what it must be like to be a kid these days?
Of course, the best description of teenage cliques comes from the standard bearer for all high school movies, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:
ROONEY
What’s so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls.
SECRETARY
He’s very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, richies, they all adore him.
*The actual definition of “hessian” is a German mercenary in the British army in America during the Revolutionary War. Or someone from Hesse. No idea where the hell that particular name came from, but we used it daily. In fact, we used to park in the last row of the parking lot, as far from the school as possible, which we called Hessian Row
db
YOu know, if you had gotten rid of the trumpet, the big ass baskets on the bike and the paperboy hat, things might not have been that bad.
Jon
There was nothing wrong with that hat. It was very haute couture at the time…
Tom
In my circle we used the term “hessian” but it was more specific to heavy metal guys and jock rockers (i.e. guys with long hair and shirts that showed muscles who did well in gym class and smoked cigarettes – guys like Todd from Beavis and Butthead). Its use preceded the term “mullet” in our lexicon, but they would be very complimentary to each other.
Wasn’t it you who found the word “hessian” in the dictionary of slang were it was said to have originated in Mechanicsburg PA? I could swear my friend Dave Preno coined it.
Tom
Wow, did you ever see this?
http://www.hessian.org/
Jon
I seem to remember my sister showed me a reference to Hessian originating in Mechanicsburg, but I can’t remember where. That site is friggin’ awesome. Hessian as metalhead lives! Rock!
tim
Ah! Life was so much easier when you knew where you belonged in the social food chain. Of course I was NOT a part of it. I had the distinct honor of being outside the system, observing the silliness with my sarcastic remarks and witty commentary… or was I a loser?
db
I woner if Lance will ever show up in a dictionary somewhere?